The answer is dance
But what was the question?
There are so many options. Today, for me the question was how to find the strength and faith in myself to really thrive as an entrepreneur, even when my energy is low, or my confidence has been shaken. And I was lying on the couch in a state of what can only be described as self-pity, worrying that just the slightest low can really shake me when it comes to business. The highs are so high, and I am just flying after a good session, interview, talk, workshop or review. And there are a lot of highs, which is amazing! But oh, the lows… (which are mostly budget or confidence related).
I’m sure most of you can relate to the fact that it’s more pleasant, though potentially exhausting, when things are really rolling. And surely you can also relate to spiraling in reaction to some real or perceived problem, or underperforming to your own or other’s expectations. And that’s not even factoring in mental wellness, neurodivergence, chronic-pain status, racism, dysmorphia, etc that someone might experience, which of course affect one’s experience of life. Maybe you’re also a recovering perfectionist like me, getting over feeling like nothing is ever good enough?
So I’m on the couch, wallowing. If I were being gentle with parts of myself, I’d understand that summer is not an easy season for me (gingers, geez!), parenting teens is intense, people make mistakes, and other kind thoughts. If I wasn’t, I might try to reverse motivate myself with fear or scold myself into a well articulated action plan. Those sometimes work. Today, something else came through (eventually).
I’m not sure what prompted the realization in that exact moment. It’s been a growing area of awareness for me, through Covid, through separation (after 20 years), through ending a job of 17 years and starting a business. When I need more energy to keep going with whatever task, even healing, the answer is… dancing. It starts with putting on music; sometimes I resist the sounds at first. They grate on my ears, abrasive to my sour mood. WIth the right beat though, after about three songs on average, my body can no longer resist the urge to MOVE.
When do I apply this medicine? When I am tired, when I have low energy, when I'm feeling sad or angry, when I'm discouraged, when I don't know what to do with myself, when I just don't know what's next - music and movement! They can even help me find my tears or help shift and release energy and emotions stuck in my body. They help me feel what’s there.
Music and dance don’t just resonate with my feelings or elevate my spirits, they also create moods. If I want to feel more sexual energy or desire, for example, I’ll admit that dancing to the 50 Shades soundtrack will do the trick (don’t get me started on issues with the storyline though! Or do…). Although let’s be honest, just getting into my body, dancing or singing with others, being silly or romantic, whatever the music, could create an erotic mood for me. I’m sure everyone’s turn-on music is different, though I’d say there are general trends (R&B, romantic slow songs etc). But other folks might get hotter from the Star Trek anthem! No judgement here. As for other kinds of moods, vibrant music can inspire celebration, of course, getting people feeling festive. Action-packed music can pump people up for workouts, games or competition. Relaxing music can make a roomful of people chill out (though I know some folks who find death metal relaxing, so….). Music has power over our emotions in general, and can change our moods profoundly, as every movie soundtrack composer knows. And the right mood can make us want to move it!
It is deeply ancestral for us humans to resonate with a good beat. We can’t resist shaking our body, our butts, our hands, our heads, our hips in time with the music that calls to us with a cry of “yes!”, a cry of “join!”, a cry of “together!” or a cry of “worship!”. What better way to revere Life than to move these fleshy containers of glory around together? Even if our bodies are in pain, or cannot move like other bodies, they can still dance. Getting lost in the dance and music can release hormones which may ease the pain for a while too. Even if we cannot hear the music with our ears, we can feel the rhythm of the beats, because sound waves are felt in the body, not just heard with the ears.
Dancing with others has its own special magic. When my partner and I host ecstatic dances, or when I teach contact improvisation dance, or even just host or attend a good old-fashioned dance party, there is this collective sense of euphoric connection the binds the people involved to each other, to the moment, to their bodies, and to the surroundings if they are in nature or some other special place. As a natural mystic, dance and music make me feel connected to all things in general, like the both goofy and majestic herd of wild turkeys I just noticed in the field beside me. Dancing in synch with others (like partner dance, square or line dance, or in any choreography) also requires attunement, focus and attention, and it makes me wonder if dancers make good lovers for that reason!?
Dance is also good for the body! It loosens the limbs, opens up the hips, and gets our blood pumping. It can wake our body up from dry spells, or from periods of being really out-of-body. It’s a great way to practice loving our shapes, and appreciating how our particular body moves through space. We can use dance to decrease our inhibitions, get silly, and move through feeling foolish or our fear of looking bad. Dance has certainly helped me with those things, as well as owning the flavours I bring to the world. There will only ever be one us in the world, and don’t we want our authentic selves to be considered hot? Heads up, arms up, tits/chest up, we shine! I know it’s hard to let self consciousness wane, but getting loose and letting go are an oh-so-good recipe for fun dancing (and great sex!).
Sex wasn’t on my immediate agenda for the day though. I just wanted to crawl out of my hole (figuratively speaking).
What specifically got me off the couch, you wonder? A little spark of inspiration from remembering all of the above, and a moment in my music app. I started with Demi Lovato’s “Confidence”, which got me sitting up, then standing, and moving a bit. “Boss Bitch” by Dojo Cat got me really grooving, And after Fifth Harmony’s “That’s my girl” I was good to go for now.
What music gets YOU going?
[NB: Outfit by my friend, the clothing designer Katrin Leblond.]
