Gods in the bedroom
My punctuation in the title is intentionally ambiguous. It’s a “choose your own adventure” title. Some of you wish to BE gods in the bedroom. Some wonder/worry what God thinks of your bedroom antics. Some of you feel titillated by the ecstasy of God/Goddess BEING in the bedroom with you, between or within you and your lover(s), within the folds of each other and the sheets, as close as breath. And others less monotheistically inclined will appreciate the plural use of gods.
I cannot untangle my love of religion, my first degree in Religious Studies, with my love of sex. Nor do I think anyone should be told to do so. Sex and religion are not so different, at their true core. A search for meaning and connection, a yearning for wholeness and possible nirvana, touching something sacred. For what is more sacred than our precious bodies, made of stardust and energy, inexorably connected to every other thing? What better way to worship creation than through the beauty and landscapes of our lover? What loving god would offer us such pure physical and spiritual wonder (nor make clitorises!) and not mean for it to be appreciated?
Saying that, I also believe in moderation, rest, consent and boundaries. I understand how much trauma and baggage we’re collectively wading through to even be present in our bodies, to show up fully before god or lover. To be vulnerable, open and let go. We are terrified in fact, of being seen, however much we also crave it. What if we are found lacking, for surely we find ourselves lacking? We don’t see our flesh containers are pure love incarnate, preferring to notice the wrinkles and rolls and cross our arms and legs around ourselves protectively. How similar to praising god’s glory would it be for us to raise our arms high, twirl around, saying “see me!”, “behold the stunning and unique me before you!”. It is not ego driven, but rather a celebration. And not only in the “someday” when everything is “perfect”, when we’re the “right” weight, fit enough, hard or wet enough to be acceptable. We’re all waiting, but for what?
You’re already just right, in this moment, in the now. You may be tired, hurting in body, mind or soul. You may have hurt others along the way. But you are still worthy of love and belonging (thank you Brene Brown for that stunningly true wisdom). That applies equally to love and belonging from the divine as to other humans (and yourself!). And… you are SEXY! Have you not realized by now that sexiness is almost 100% mindset? Some super thin folks will never be satisfied, and other voluptuous folks strut into a room like they own it? It’s not your shape, it’s how you inhabit this miracle package. There is a 1 in 4 trillion chance of someone exactly like you existing. Aren’t your lovers lucky as f*ck to get to experience the extraordinary impossibility and uniqueness of YOU?? If they make you feel anything less than extraordinary, perhaps they have their own work to do (with or without you). Of course we also need to do that work. No matter how stunning or good others think we are, it has to start from within or we won’t believe them.
So how can you be a god/goddess/goddex in the bedroom? It’s not from knowing how to move more to the left, or give good head (however lovely…). Successful intimacy skills look a lot more like mindfulness than porn. You need to BE THERE. Otherwise you might miss your lover’s cues to go more to the left. Just because they liked it last time, doesn’t mean you can then memorize a routine. That can seem discouraging, especially for the inexperienced, or those who love routines. But think of it more like playtime, as children exploring nature with curiosity and rapture. What does this do? What does that feel like? That tickles! Let us fall over laughing, “wrestling” like puppies, rather than stiffen (pun intended) and worry about performance.
Being a divine lover is also about feeling like you and your lover both deserve pleasure. Which is unlikely to be a message you were taught, nor possibly even believe (deep down). Giving pleasure, maybe, especially those of us socialized as women, but deserving it? That’s harder. And once we do the work of healing required to believe we deserve pleasure, or are even capable of it, or even know what brings us pleasure, do we have a patient lover, fully present, willing and eager to delight us? BE that lover, and demand to be loved that way. Be gods in the bedroom, move mountains, touch each other with gentle rain, invent new worlds. Great sex isn’t measured by frequency, or orgasmic content/quantity. As the extraordinary Emily Nagoski writes, “pleasure is the measure”. Pleasure in our bodies, in the moment, and in each other.
I invite you to worship with joy and humility at these most perfect altars.
