Good novels are like good sex

image is from https://www.refinery29.com/en-ca/sexy-books-best-erotic-novels

There are definitely moments when I favour one over the other. Sometimes I just want to be alone with tea, a soft blanket and an excellent novel. Some folks will always prefer that. In my case, I want both, the pleasure I get from each is a priority for me - the solo deep dive into a book, and the connective, whole body experience with another human. 

I just finished a novel set in ancient Japan amidst spirits, deities, dragons and demons (Night of the Dragon, Julie Kagawa) and there was the most delightful gay romance within its pages. And interspecies love (kitsune - half fox spirit -  with, well, can’t spoil it for you!). I’m a sucker for all things fantasy, especially when they involve foxes, my favorite creature. Suffice it to say, when I was swept up in the book, everything else fell away.

Sex can be like that, otherworldly. Can involve time travel. Can be an escape from the rest of things, a needed break.

When I start a novel, I’m cautiously optimistic, turning the pages, putting myself into the zone. The experience doesn’t always turn out to be earth shattering and emotional, sometimes the story is just sweet and pleasant, or sometimes irritating and needs to be put away. Same for sex. You can have a decent idea of how it will go based on who the person is and your dynamic, the time in your cycle, the context and overall stress level in your lives. But I would say that for me, I appreciate having a partner with whom I am routinely surprised, where we work to add variety, to prepare the context to favour an experience. With whom I look forward to opening the book, so to speak, and co-creating a page turner. 

It’s a choice, to prioritize good sex. There are plenty of hurdles for most people, especially parents! I do not wish to shame anyone - we have enough shame baggage as it is! But like anything good, the energy follows where you put your attention. Life still happens all around us, unforeseen events, challenges. But no matter how much we want cookies warm from the oven, oozing with chocolate, we need to MAKE them. You make time, you focus, you decide that it’s worth it. And that might mean you need support from good books, friends or coaches like me. There might be a journey ahead of you, to create good sex that brings you delight and pleasure. 

I wish you delight and pleasure, whatever the source in your life!